Wednesday, February 22, 2006   |  

- junk in the trunk -

3 more cool things about my new job (the day job, that is, not the side gig for the new Evil Empire):

• "Banana time" at 4pm. Supposed to be a Brazilian thing or something.
  
• My Russian boss used to be a figure skater.
  
• The highest cheek-puff per capita ratio in the world.
  

Tuesday, February 21, 2006   |  

- ain't nuthin' but a g thang -

I passed the Google exam! I can't wait for the money to rain down on me.

Current music: Paul Young - Everytime You Go Away

Monday, February 20, 2006   |  

- bada bing! -

The best thing about my new job: I get to say I work in "waste management."

Current music: A3 - Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One Mix)

Saturday, February 18, 2006   |  

- 21st century digital boy -

This week's sign of the apocalypse: I got a cell phone! This is my first cell phone ever. (Yes, I do realize this is the 21st century, so spare me the jokes.)

Hit me up for the digits, yo.

Current music: The Game feat. 50 Cent - Hate It or Love It

Tuesday, February 14, 2006   |  

- 99 problems (but a bitch ain't one) -

I have looked all over the place
But you have got my favorite face
Your eyelashes sparkle like gilded grass
And your lips are sweet and slippery like a cherub's bare wet ass

You walk in clouds of glitter and the sun reflects your eyes
And every time the wind blows, I can smell you in the sky
Your kisses are as wicked as an F-16
And you fuck like a volcano, and you're everything to me

'Cause you're a human supernova
A solar superman
You're an angel with wings afire
A flying, giant friction blast

Current music: Liz Phair - Supernova

Friday, February 10, 2006   |  

- public service announcement -

Pigs will fly this summer. Save your pennies now so you can make my sister rich.

Current music: Elton John - Greatest Hits 1970-2002

Tuesday, February 7, 2006   |  

- u remind me -

Am I the only person who thinks "you look like Philip Seymour Hoffman" is a compliment?

Current music: Radiohead - Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong

Friday, February 3, 2006   |  

- 1-800-got-cult? -

Back in 2000, an interview loop at Amazon would end with a candidate doing an impromptu 30-minute presentation on any topic. While I didn't think it was necessarily relevant (kinda like those brain teasers that everyone uses although they rarely tell you how competent a candidate is), I thought it was a pretty cool/fun idea. Besides, I still think the main reason I got hired was my "why Roger Clemens is the greatest pitcher in baseball history" talk.

My new company has this weird Survivor-esque recruiting style where all the candidates are put in the same room and interviewed en masse. Undesirable candidates are then "voted off" until only one is left. Fer realz, yo -- I shit you not. (Un)fortunately, my interview wasn't as dramatic because there were only two of us that made the initial cut. Another new hire apparently had to endure a round table questioning with 8 other developers. Good grief.

Other random notes about the new sweatshop:

• It's very cultish -- not unlike Amazon in the good ol' days. Everyone is young, almost *too* eager, and takes the whole "be the owner" thing far too seriously. 5 years ago, I would've totally eaten it up (as I did for the first year or two at the Bookstore), but now I'm too old, bitter and cynical to buy into that.
  
• Canadians really do say "oot" and "aboot" and "eh" all the time. Very distracting.
  
• On my first day, I asked my manager where the supply room was so I could get some pens, and he just grabbed some from his mug and handed them to me. Then I asked the deskside guys if I could get an ergo keyboard and they all looked at me funny. I don't even have my own phone -- my entire department shares a single phone! And I thought Amazon was cheap (er, I mean, "frugal").
  
• By the way, I totally love the word "frugality" -- not so much the word itself, but the sound of it. It reminds me of an old crush.
  
• Thank God I don't have to code anymore because I'd go insane with all that Microsoft crap they use here. VisualStudio and SourceSafe? *shudder* I'll take Vim and Perforce/CVS any day, thank you. I may have to bribe the network admin for a Linux box.
  

Wednesday, February 1, 2006   |  

- choose life -

I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.

- Renton, Trainspotting