Monday, August 24, 2009  |  

- do not disturb -

Seriously. Fuck off already.

Friday, August 21, 2009  |  

- amen to that -

One more from a BDD column (a reader submission):

Seattle has a superiority complex. Because it's the birthplace of over-priced coffee and mediocre operating systems, filled with healthy, bike-riding, outdoorsy types, they act like people whose shit doesn't stink. I love visiting the city, if only to see cheap baseball and watch their football team lose, but not for the people. (Note to those considering going to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics: The people there are even worse. So is the beer. You have been warned.)

Friday, August 21, 2009  |  

- return of the mack -

Haven't been digging Big Daddy Drew lately, but these made me laugh this morning:

1. Re: Home Depot:
   
   Fuck you, Home Depot. Seriously, Arthur Blank. FUCK YOU. I hate your store. I hate everything about it. Nothing good has ever come out of a Home Depot. You never walk out of a Home Depot with donuts, or new shoes, or something genuinely exciting. No, walking out of Home Depot is only the first step of some long and brutal task of fixing something in your house that's fucked up. OOOH, WALL ANCHORS! SO EXCITING!
   
   And fuck that store's help. They're never around. And if they are, they don't know where fucking ANYTHING is. Eighty percent of my time in Home Depot is spent with one customer service person who is trying to find another customer service person who can perhaps find the goddamn toilet flapper I'm looking for. Like any massive box store, only three checkout lanes out of a possible sixty are open at any given time. The parking lot is ANARCHY. Any child lost in the store is lost for a minimum of 50 minutes. Other asshole customers there are more than happy to unwittingly lash you across the face with a 50-foot long piece of molding they're trying to push around in a fucking cart. It's hell. It's the worst store on Earth and every time I go, part of my soul withers into gray ash.
   
   
2. Re: Excuses:
   
   My life consists of little more than an elaborate web of excuses and lies engineered specifically so that I exert as little effort as possible in all of my affairs. You might call that lazy. I call it victory.

Friday, August 14, 2009  |  

- first day of my life -

95% less suicidal today. Yay.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009  |  

- i hate myself and want to die -